Saturday, November 29, 2008

Tempo.





In this daze, lay here with me. The music plays on repeat and I only hear sound. That is enough. Time has no place here. I shall forget its meaning. We don't need it. No, we won't worry anymore. Lets play pretend. In a magical place, we can stay and Time is our enemy. Take a hit, we'll throw you away.

I won't look to you anymore. No, you can go bother someone else. I'll keep what I know and what I know is that I don't care about what you stand for. Because you're just something that makes me worry. And in that, I waste away even more. So, I'll lay here now. In my state of mind, I'll close my eyes, forget about you. No room to take advantage.

Just lay with me now. Forget with me and we'll be okay. Don't care with me and we'll feel better. Time won't control how we live. Turn up the music, we'll drown out the nagging Time as it lingers. Drown out all of this and let's not worry together.




Time has never been a friend of mine.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Nom.

September 21, 2008.

That was the day I made the decision to become a Vegetarian. It is probably one of the best decisions I have ever made, not to mention, the quickest. I had contemplated it a lot in the past year, but could never commit. For the longest time, chicken fingers and Chinese food were my weakness.

But, that Sunday night I had dinner at IPanema with a Vegan. Needless to say, it did not take him long to convince me that being a Vegetarian wouldn't be that difficult and that I should definitely do it. The Vegetarian dinner I had was good, so I figured, why not?

The first few weeks after that, when my family found out that I was a Vegetarian, were full of sarcastic remarks and criticisms. My parents challenged the reason for me going Veg and when I told them about the health benefits, they just disregarded them like they were completely absurd. The best comment of all, though, was when they said this:

"We knew you were gonna start being weird once you got to VCU."

...Really? Wow. Thanks, Mom and Dad.

Not that I would ever revert back to eating meat, but that comment just made me even more motivated to do this right and prove them wrong.

66 days have passed and I am still a Vegetarian. Still going strong. Don't miss meat at all. If it weren't for ice cream and my Italian grandma's home-made bread, I'd probably become Vegan.

But anyways, Thanksgiving is Thursday. First Thanksgiving where I won't be able to eat half the food on the table. So stoked about it. I thought about getting one of those obnoxious "Meat Is Murder" tees and wearing it to Thanksgiving dinner, but decided against it because a. my grandmother would probably have a heart attack and b. I have absolutely no cash.

Maybe next year, though.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Existing.

"Keep calm and carry on."

As I was looking at all of the art at the Donations For Creations event on Saturday, a print with these words on it caught my eye. I think that this was exactly what I needed to see. I've kept this phrase in my mind since then just hoping that I can live by those words.

There are so many things in my life right now that I am not happy with. I've never really had the comfort of being fully content with myself. I'm not going to go into everything, I'd be here for a whole fucking day if I did. And also, I just don't want to be a little bitch and complain about it. I've done that too much and I feel like that gets you nowhere.

I just want to be happy. I want clarity. How to really come about that, however, is still unknown to me. I'm trying to forget about the things that make me unhappy, especially the things that have made me feel depressed lately.

I can't get contained in all of this, though. So, I'll keep this in my mind.

Keep calm and carry on.
Keep calm and carry on.
Keep calm and carry on.

It'll all soon be okay.

Times Are Changing.

I started my first blog about a year ago one morning when I was bored and had nothing to do. I was still in high school then, so most of my posts were just me complaining about my life and trying to sound like I knew what I was talking about.

A lot has changed since then. I'm not at all the person I used to be, and for that, I am grateful. I've grown a lot. While I'm more cautious in a sense, I am also more careless. One thing I've learned in college is that you can't be so uptight. After all, college is about finding yourself, right? How am I gonna do that if I don't bend the rules just a little bit?

It would be impossible.

Today in Focused Inquiry, we talked about our personal essays we have to write for our portfolio. Our subject matter is basically how we've grown over the course of the semester. All I could think to write is how I changed from being a little Catholic school girl to whatever I am now. We'll see how that goes.