Wishful Thinker.

I used to fantasize about how my life would turn out. Being a very visual person, I'd get these images in my head that were so real, it was almost weird.

In 7th grade, I was obsessed with a band called O*Town....don't laugh. I know. Anyways, my favorite band member was Ashley Angel. I loved everything about him, and I'd often draw pictures of him, as any 13 year-old girl would do. I'd fantasize how we'd be married and how we'd drive around town together in his red convertible. We'd pick up my siblings from school and everyone would stare, in awe of both of us.

That phase lasted awhile, but when I got to high school, I moved on. I'd still fantasized about how I would marry someone famous like Ryan Gosling or Adam Brody and live happily in a huge mansion in New York or LA. I'd think of how I would attend red carpet events and own my own shop that would have customers like Rachel McAdams and the Olsen twins. It was such a wonderful waste of my time.

The summer going into 10th grade, I started getting really into watching baseball. My dad has always loved the Braves and so I decided that I'd be like him and get really into the game. Coincidentally, the year I got into the game was the same season Jeff Francoeur came into play. At the time, Jeff was a big shot. He could throw a ball from outfield to home plate in time to get the other team out. He was amazing at baseball and I also happened to find him quite attractive. This made my reason for keeping up with the game even greater. I imagined marrying him and being able to go to all the games free. It was great, haha. The Braves had a really good season that year, but after that, they sort of went downhill, and so did my interest in keeping up with them.

As I got older, my fantasies became less and less. I didn't really have a reason to continue with them, because nothing I ever fantasized about was anything that would come anywhere near close to fruition, and I never got what I wanted...with anything. Plus, they were all pretty ridiculous.

It's weird if you think about life on a whole. Reality can be so bad that we create these alternate mindsets so we can have hope for the future. We use these thoughts as quick highs. Something makes us mad or sad or frustrated, so we leave reality for a moment, so we can feel something better for awhile. And so you think, yeah, dreams are dreams for a reason and so are fantasies. So why do we do it? In knowing that they don't necessarily come true, why do we put our emotions on the line for this quick burst of happiness? Shouldn't we just deal with reality as it is?

A part of me wants to say that they are a waste of time because I have started to disregard my dreams lately. They just make you even more vulnerable and in turn, you get hurt more. But then if I think about it, I don't think I could be happy if I didn't have some sort of ridiculous dream to get me through the day. I'm so used to not getting what I want, that it doesn't even matter anymore. To me now, fantasies and dreams are just fun things to think and laugh about. You get hooked on them for awhile, then you move on. It's just sorta how life is, I think.

Maybe it's just me, though. Maybe I'm just a wishful thinker.