Dazed.

You know how sometimes you see something and you get this instant bad feeling, as if you just got punched in the stomach or as if your heart is literally just breaking in half, and afterwards, you're just in this daze where you just can't listen to anyone and don't want to talk....well, I felt that earlier today. And no, it was not because of portfolios, though I wish it had been. 

I can't even word this well. But I feel like, in my life, I have gotten this feeling a lot. I was hoping that maybe it would just not happen anymore. I guess that's not the case, though. Maybe if it happens enough, I'll just become numb to it all and eventually, the feeling will just pass and it won't phase me as much. 

For today, though, it's sticking with me. I have a really hard art history test tomorrow and I know nothing. I can't concentrate. This is the first time this semester that I'm going to study on my own, and it sucks for more than one reason. 

I need to study with someone. I need to get an A. I need to get my life together. And I really just need to somehow, not feel this way. Or maybe it'd be better if I could just not feel at all.

Love is not for me, I promise. 

I really do think sad songs were made for me.