Everyone's at Doug's and we're all chilling, having a good time. All of a sudden, I go into emotional mode and start crying. Don't ask when, because I can't remember. But basically, the rest of the night (aside from walking way too far down Main to find a party that we didn't end up going to) was spent on the floor/couch of Doug's place. I was a wreck for whatever reason and I'm sure I was being over-emotional. But despite that, all of my friends came to my side to comfort me, even people who I had just met and/or had never talked to before.
And so what I have come to realize, though I may not always stick to it on certain occasions, is that right now in my life, I have a ton of really awesome friends who will constantly be there for me, and for that, I am so grateful. So, taking that into consideration, I have started to try and believe more what my dad said once.
Every person you encounter and interact with in your life, you do so for a reason. Either it helps them or it helps you. Not everyone you meet, however, stays in your life for long. Friendships and relationships end, but they do so for a reason. When someone you have a relationship with stops being friends with you, leaves you, or just slowly grows apart from you, it's because the job is done. You no longer need them in you're life. The effect they were supposed to have on you has been made, and therefore, you can move on. But there shouldn't be any permanent anger or sadness with that. Because if they come back into your life, which often, that may happen, that means that there is another way that person is supposed to affect you. It's like with dying. When someone is taken from you, it was because their job on Earth has been fulfilled, they have done what they were supposed to do, and so they no longer need to be here. Whether or not you are ready, unfortunately, does not matter.
I know this all sounds better in my head and it's hard to write it down so that other people can make sense of it, but I feel that I need to try and do so. So many relationships with people in my life have fallen apart (in a sense) that I just need some sort of clarity. Like Friday, for example, for part of the night, I was crying over someone because I didn't or don't understand what has changed to make things so weird between us two. And I hate it so much and it makes me upset thinking about it, so I was trying to clear my head.
But in all honesty, one can only do so much, and then you just can't keep wasting your time worrying because it's not likely that the other person is thinking twice about the situation. I have a bunch of good friends now, like I said. I just hate that I just can't be but so content, and what's worse, I hate that I don't have it in me to stop worrying.
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