It seems like I haven't updated this in forever, but I just don't really know what to write about anymore.
This post is about nothing and maybe everything as well. It depends on how you want to look at it, I guess.
I skipped Art History this morning. I woke up at 7:30 then again at 8:33 and lastly at 8:50 am. My class didn't start until 10, but I decided as soon as I got up that I wasn't going to make the effort to go. It's a 75 minute class, and this morning, I just didn't have enough energy to sit through it without falling asleep. Plus, attendance has no effect on my grade this semester.
In the past 10 days, I have gone out a total of six times. SIX. Since when do I party this much? I don't even think Blair and Serena party this much. I should slow down; beer's not worth the calories and doesn't even do anything for me. Plus, one of my relatives was an Alcoholic.
On a few of those nights I did something that I hoped I would never do. I smoked some of my friends' cigarettes. I don't even know why I wanted to. I think part of it is just the fact that I'm constantly around smokers. Smoking is horrible for you, though. It causes all types of cancer and can cause a fucking heart attack, gives you gross breath and teeth and skin, makes you generally colder, and you lose your sense of taste. WTF. Also, what's strange is that a year ago, if I had met someone and then found out they smoked, I wouldn't like them as much.
I feel like a Hypocrite. And what's worse, I think I have an oral fixation.
I can't stop thinking about this one thing. It's seriously making me annoyed and sad and it's not even worth my time, but you know you can't help how you feel. I just keep telling myself that things will be good and things will get better.
My mom dropped off some stuff for me yesterday. I had forgotten some clothes at home and I needed some money and some water bottles. Along with all of that, she packed in there about 20 protein bars. I'm a Vegetarian and I think that worries her.
It's almost Noon now, and I'm still in bed. I tried to find a good excuse for why I shouldn't go to Art History this morning, because you know, I have a horribly huge conscience. I told myself that it was because I needed rest and I had a stomach ache. Well, I didn't then, but I do now, and it sucks.
I should really get dressed now and start working on my Surface project. Chris Garneau is so soothing, though.
I do, I take care of the love
Cause red rockets fly if you don't
I'm always gonna worry about this
But you tell me, it's okay, Chris
I can't tell you why babies cry
But lies they won't keep us alive, no
I hope you don't go away
I still have some nice things to do and say
Like we're a dime in a well
They're hard to find
I'm chewing on my iPod headphones now. I really want a cigarette. Damnit.
Just ten more minutes, then I'll get up and start my day. Who is this person I'm becoming? I'll at least eat a protein bar for my mom.
Maybe I can fight these cravings.
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