Im a Hypochondriac.

I think that's been said at least a few times on here before.

The thing is, I've had a sort of revelation in a sense. Maybe the deal with me is that I'll spend my whole life thinking I'm sick and I have all these diseases, and as a result, I will not have lived fully because I will have spent most of my time worrying about being sick. And I'll die unsatisfied with my life, in perfect health.

Or maybe irony will strike and I'll die of a disease or cancer or something that could have been prevented but wasn't, just because I was trying to hide my Hypochondria.

I was reading some random blog post about a guy explaining his vasectomy and reasons for doing so, which was mostly to save our earth, and a thought crossed my mind.

What if our job, or test really, on earth is to see whether or not we can preserve this earth. If earth is viewed as something precious that God created, maybe our biggest test here is to do as much as we can to not fuck it up while we are living. Crazy thought, maybe. But it's still a thought.

Diagnosis.

I watched the season finale of House with my parents tonight. At the very end of the show, an old man who supposedly just had acid reflux turned out to have pancreatic cancer. Of course, the first thing to go through my mind is what? Oh, shit...I have acid reflux.

I'm a Hypochondriac. I know this, I've known this for awhile, yet it doesn't make any difference to me. I still worry knowing in the back of my mind that it's probably just me thinking too much.

I had to pick up my sister from a friends tonight. The whole way there, I thought about the simplest yet most complicated question out there - what is life about, exactly?

I did not come to any sort of conclusion; however, I do wish that the cast of House were actually real doctors. Maybe I could worry less then.

You.

I hate you for being like this. You act like I'm the one making everything weird, that I have made this situation awkward, but really it's all you. You obviously still have a problem with it all for what reason, I cannot imagine, considering you started this. You didn't have to do anything, but you did.

I wish this never happened. I wish things were back to normal, and most of all, I wish I could fucking understand you. If I could understand even one small reasoning behind all the fucking shit you do, then maybe I'd understand why you're being such a dick. You have no reason to be so cold around me, I didn't do shit to you.

Just fucking quit this. I liked you so much better before when we were friends, and honestly, I'm tired of it all. It's getting so damn old.

en-do-sym-bi-ot-ic

I found this under a tab on Erin's computer. It's a nice thing to think about, on both sides. Or at least, I think so.

“ You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She’s not perfect - you aren’t either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don’t hurt her, don’t change her, don’t analyze and don’t expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she’s not there."

— Bob Marley (via megamazing) (via crazybeautiful) (via bon-bon)

Gotta love Bob.

More.

life is not what you think it is

life is something more

you wake up to the same routines

this life is such a bore

eat your breakfast

to get your protein

all this just to survive

you just want some candy

but mommy says no

eat your vegetables, honey

you must grow

go to school

to get your education

learn your abc’s and your 123’s

you’ll need this in the real world, your teacher says 

life is tough

with lots of obstacles 

but you just want to dodge them

play on the swing sets instead 

high, high, higher you go

life is not what you think it is 

life is something more 

you say yes because you can’t say no

you eat your veggies cause you’re afraid you won’t grow

don’t wanna seem stupid, so you learn what you’re taught 

dad says you won’t be successful if you don’t buy it before it’s bought

you’re taught to do what you’re told 

life’s only good if you’re gold

but life is not what you think it is

life is something more 

if you live like you’re told

it will always be a bore